Whatsup guys, long time no talk.
I’ve been laying low in Florianopolis for the last week or so, and it’s been incredible.
My schedule for the last month in Brazil has basically been:
-Wake up
-Go to the gym (3 times a week)
-Go to local Churrascaria and eat steak (I’ve upped my steak consumption to 7 days a week.)
-Walk 50m to the beach, jump in the ocean to cool off
-Lay down and meditate in the sun for 20 minutes and get tan as fuck
-Go home and start working
-Take a nap
-Make a protein shake
-Hit up the club, and some of the hottest Brazilian girls I’ve ever seen in real life
I was so focused on the routine, I forgot to add in my weekly blog post, so I’ll come at you with straight knowledge this week that I’ve been teaching on bootcamps for the last year or so.
I remember giving a seminar to some weird lair dudes, and they kept asking what I thought about “calibrating” to the girls responses.
There is actually a pretty good reason RSD teachings usually shy away from calibration topics…
Most guys calibrate way too much!
Who is leading the conversation if you are constantly pinging off of her, trying to determine how to act?!
How much does that say about your level of investment in the interaction?
You think P. Diddy is in the club, all up in his head worrying about what type of story he tells the girl drinking his CÎROC?
Of course calibration has been mentioned from time to time, usually ending in some reactive vs. responsive semantical gibberish, so I want to give an elegant, easy to understand method for calibrating to ANY girl, in ANY city, in ANY country, in ANY venue around the world.
Sound good?
Let’s go.
The Six Modalities of Directness
There is only ONE thing that I calibrate to when I am talking to a girl.
How direct I can go.
There are 6 Modalities of Directness:
1. Eye contact
2. Vocal tonality (as well as pacing of your voice)
3. Proximity between the two of you (includes positioning)
4. Projection of your voice
5. Physicality
6. Verbal escalation (moving the conversation in a sexual direction)
You might recognize a few of these from my ubiquitous “The 3 Aspects of the Direct Approach,” which directly relates to this concept.
Basically in any situation, I am going to do the EXACT SAME THING when approaching, only calibrating how direct I need to go.
I don’t ping off of the girl, think of The Yacht analogy.
It’s like I’m running around trying to fit a puzzle piece in the proper location. I don’t try to change the shape of the puzzle piece, I just keep bouncing around until I can find a place for it to fit.
But sometimes, if you shove a little harder, you can still get the piece to fit. –I think this is getting too close to a double entendre.
My frame stays consistent.
“I am awesome. I am having fun. You want me.”
That never changes. But the volume level of those thoughts, and how my actions convey this, might change based on the scenario.
Think of a graph with Level of Directness versus Time:
Club game vs. day game and receptive vs. unreceptive are just two examples where the slope drastically differs in how fast the interaction naturally escalates, and how I can move things forward quickly in a calibrated fashion.
This could be 5 minutes, or 5 hours.
When I go into the interaction, I have some intuition on how direct I plan to go.
If I am on the street during the day, I am not going to go as direct as in the night club.
Therefore, my tonality won’t be as strong/direct, I probably won’t initiate physicality as quickly, and I’ll probably give the girl a little more space at the beginning of the interaction.
But if that girl you meet during the day had been partying on the beach all day, the slope starts rising up, like other things, heh, and you can amp up the directness.
This is where the tonality, projection, eye contact opening triad came from. In the club environment, you need AT LEAST these three to get the girl’s attention. But head to the dancefloor, and even those might not be enough, where incorporating closer proximity, a direct verbal opener “You’re cute!”, as well as physically clawing her will lead to better results.
Other situations are culturally specific. If I am meeting a feisty latin girl, I’m going to amp up the dominance/directness more than a conservative nerdy type girl from Chicago.
But again, once I enter the interaction, if the girl ends up being more receptive than I initially expected, I’ll amp things up accordingly.
Keep the Pressure On
My goal is to always have a constant pressure moving things forward when I am talking to the girl, making sure it is at a pace conducive to the environment.
You can increase any one of the Modalities of Directness to escalate the conversation, as well as realizing that some girls respond to different sorts of stimulus.
As an example, let’s say you move in to get physical, you give her a hug, and feel her tense up. She didn’t respond well to the physicality, but this doesn’t mean you still can’t move the interaction forward by transitioning the conversation in a more sexual direction, or increasing the intensity of your eye contact.
Maybe just cutting the space, continuing the conversation with the same vibe, but moving closer to her increases the intimacy and intensity of the interaction.
It feels like I am almost mining for gold, constantly prodding and pushing trying to move things forward. Dig here, nothing, move a bit, and dig another hole. Goldmine!!!!!!
The main reason this Slope of Directness came about was because guys were pushing TOO QUICK in an uncalibrated fashion.
They read that physical game is everything, and try to get instant make outs in the middle of the day.
You need to keep the Slope in mind always, and use that as your tool as calibration.
But don’t lose the frame! You can’t doubt your awesomeness, or let her reactions diminish your ability to have fun.
Sidenote: She Gives One, Take Two
Another example of keeping the pressure on is when you go in, and the response you get is BETTER than you expected.
Maybe you go in for a hug and she jumps in your arms in a full embrace. Whereas most guys get nervous and release the tension by transitioning into normal conversation, the better move is to INCREASE the directness even further.
She jumps in my arms, conveying a high level of compliance and attraction, and I use this indicator to AMP IT UP MORE, probably picking her up, pulling her hair, and pinning her up against the wall.
Always keep the pressure on, and if it gives way, push forward faster!
Anomalies and Makeout Kings
As with any knowledge, there are the outlier examples that go against the norm.
Can you, if in an extremely good mood, defy the socially defined level of directness and push things forward without repercussions?
I’ve seen plenty of bootcamp students “hit state,” and start freaking out, getting away with crazy antics that I’ve never even tried.
Like making out with girls in front of their brother or boyfriend, clawing girls like they’re a lion chasing a gazelle, or making out with 5 different girls in a row.
But these are the anomalies of guys hitting state for the first time. Also, the more experience you get, the better you’ll be able to exploit the Directness trends and play around with pushing beyond what you KNOW is acceptable, as a means of creating shit tests, or self amusement.
J-life’s recent in field footage video is a great example of this.
It’s an easy way to spike attraction by stepping over the trend of what is calibrated, “fucking it up on purpose,” to spike a reaction from the girl, only to back off and unreactively convey that you are aware of the social faux paux, as well as making her realize you know what’s up and are unreactive to her actions, increasing attraction further.
But forcing shit tests and consciously going beyond what is socially acceptable takes a serious level of calibration that only comes with time and experience, and with that said, the vast majority of interactions consistently follow the above trends.
Conclusion
The most important learning lesson for most guys is that holding the “I’m awesome and having fun” frame is paramount, and the only thing you need to tweak might be how direct you go.
Too often I see guys trying to calibrate every aspect of what they do based on the girls response, whereas it usually ends up just coming across weak.
Keep the slope in mind, and always remember to keep a constant pressure moving the interaction forward.
THIS is how you stay out of the friend to friend vibe, and move towards more of a man to woman type interaction.
THIS is what gets you results consistently, not relying on permission from the girl to move things forward.
And THIS is how the guys with the most experience tailor their game based on the environment, and each specific girl.
So try it out and get back to me with your experiences, how does this help how you interact with girls?
Meanwhile, I’ll be chilling in Montevideo, Uruguay, then a month in Buenos Aires.
More grass fed beef, beautiful Argentinians, and Saad and the rest of the Brigade coming down South shortly.
Mmmmm….. Kablam!
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