Featured in
Popular Posts
How to Get Jacked: A Step by Step Guide to the Gym and Nutrition by My Mentor
Hey guys, So I’ve been getting asked A LOT lately about the recent gains I’ve...
Live the High Fidelity Life: Mind Excellence
Hyper calibration... Nonono… Actually let's go with UBER-calibration... Nonono... This...
How to Text a Girl You Like: A Method For Setting Up the First Date
When I was in Dubai earlier this year, I ran a 21 day bootcamp. It was pretty...
Extreme Self Love: The New Magic Pill to Take the Stress Out of Your Life
Do you want to know the EASIEST way to get girls? A technique that requires NO THINKING? If...
The 35 Laws of Subtle Attraction (Be the Gorilla)
The linchpin of my teaching methodology is Attraction = Value. My goal on program...
What Does it Mean to Be “Icey?”
45 Comments | Category: Dating Tips-Inner
Alright, so I talked to Tyler today for a good 2 hours, and we decided to have me start posting every Thursday over on RSDN, and I started that today.
I’m pretty stoked, as it’s going to be recurring, and should get a lot more traffic to my site, as well as to older articles here, as I’ve been linking to some of the popular posts.
With that said, my workload just stepped up another notch, but I’m not too worried, it’s seems like I can just spew out articles like there is no tomorrow.
BUT, with articles coming out there every Thursday, I’ve decided to switch the posting on here to every Monday and Wednesday at 10AM CST. So if you were getting accustomed to the Tues/Thurs style, SORRY! But at least I’m still writing twice a week for yah.
What I want to do today is talk about what it means to be “icey,” and how you can develop it.
The best way I can illustrate this is through a video from Arnold Schrwarzenegger himself.
Check out how when the egg hits him, he literally DOES NOT FLINCH.
He’s almost stoked by it, giving him an opportunity to take off his jacket and show off the guns.
Check it!
Where did Icey originate?
It’s based off Iceberg Slim’s book PIMP, where he got the nickname I think because he was doing speedballs of heroine and cocaine, and when a stray bullet went by, shooting off his hat, he didn’t even flinch and some other pimp was like, “Damn!!! You so icey! I be callin’ you Iceberg Slim!”
And so it began.
Check out the review of PIMP if you are interested, it’s a fairly good read. Especially when it comes to EXTREME unreactivity, which is basically what this so called iciness is.
Another example I like to use is Don Draper from Madmen. The quixotic, stoic, masculine archetype of an unemotional dude who can handle any situation, and gets shit done.
Love that show, purely to reinforce the extreme unreactiveness. (and a bit for the 1950’s misogynism, not gonna lie)
How do I Become More Icey?
It takes extreme control over your emotions, and looking at things as objectively as possible.
For the control of your emotions part, I’ve said countless times how negative emotions arise when your life situation jives with your value structures. But as you cultivate higher and higher levels of consciousness, you realize that all of life is a joke, and you are just wearing some costume, and any sort of emotional response becomes laughable, pointing to you taking life too seriously.
Emotional anchors are just arbitrary meanings you place onto completely random events or objects in your life.
The more you can objectively view life, the less you get emotional about ANYTHING.
This leads to an interesting point about relationships and the process of breaking up.
Sometimes the breakup is super easy, sometimes it’s gut wrenchingly hard, no matter how conscious you are.
The reason the hard ones are so emotional is that you tie so many emotional anchors to the relationship. These are stereotypically the type of relationships where you fight a lot, break up, get back together, have amazing sex, and repeat the pattern over and over until the final break up, which REALLY SUCKS.
Then EVERYTHING reminds you of her.
As you start to get over the relationship, the attrition of psychological anchors takes time. Most people let it unconsciously happen, but weird self help junkies like myself consciously analyze each anchor as the emotion arises, one by one, and try to objectively reframe things in a way that it no longer creates a negative reaction.
I remember back to my last serious break up, I’d look at stupid stuff like a TREE, and think:
“Oh, I remember that one time when we walked passed a tree.”
Like what the fuck?!
You start filtering EVERYTHING through the experiences you had, and EVERYTHING creates an emotional response.
Then one day you look at that tree and it no longer has any meaning, it’s just a tree.
Game, Game, Game, Game
A similar thing happens in the field. You go out, start getting rejected, and IT HURTS.
But once you do it a few times, you no longer view rejection as something that affects your identity, or who you are. You no longer have any sort of emotional response to it.
As you get better, you start dealing with shit tests and her freaking out, or some dude coming in, or someone PUKING ON YOU, and still maintaining your cool.
Getting good at this mostly just takes time, and living life. Man, you go through bankruptcy, get divorced, or travel the world, and very little gets you emotional.
This is SUPER attractive because it’s like extreme masculine polarity. You are fully on your path, on your purpose, and NOTHING is going to stop you. Not some girl, not some guy, not some financial crisis, or your child getting the flu.
You deal with it level headed, calmly, and get shit done.
Push through procrastination, push through the sad little story of your past, push through limiting beliefs, and push outside your comfort zone.
Things get in your way, things fuck up, and you deal with the punches and keep moving forward. Or look to learn and try a new direction.
But you don’t dwell in sadness like a weak little child. Get over your sad self and man up.
Get back in the game and live life.
—
Alright, time for my daily ab workout and a protein maca fruit smoothie…
Have a good weekend everyone. 
45 Comments
Brad Branson
Thanks man, I appreciate your comment.
Diego
Nice. Don Draper is the ultimate dude. He´s invited to fuck daughters of millionaires in their homes.
Brad Branson
Haha yeah, total badass.
duckmack
awesome!!
Brad Branson
LOV
Hey, I was thinking about how icey James bond is. The reason why he is so ice is because he is puts himself in so many life threatening situations. After going through that, what is talking to a girl?
Wad are some hobbies that can help us develop this ICEYness?
Brad Branson
The BEST way to become more icey is by going out and pushing your comfort zone hard. The more you do this, the more reference experiences you’ll develop. You will become indifferent to other people’s opinions of you. You will number close a girl you thought you had an amazing interaction with and get flaked on by that same girl. Some of these experiences suck, but in the long run, they make you iceier, and your game will massively improve. Make sense?
LOV
I have been pushing my comfort zone a lot and it has made me become less identified with the outcome. But I was wondering what were other things that I could do in conjunction with it that can help me become more icey?
Things like reading books, working on my self esteem, etc.
Billy Bob
You drink maca root too? Nice man. How much do you take a day?
reino
tl;dr get out and approach
Brad Branson
lol this is too long?
Jazzy
Golden post, Brad!
Could you clarify if iciness is still expressing deep emotions of excitement and utter joy towards things you love, like the example of traveling the world. I understand you said to stay cool and level-headed, but does that mean when you’re in the beginning stages of this, do you hold in all of those deep emotions when experiencing crazy big positive or negative changes in life?
Brad Branson
Don’t suppress your positive emotions, being expressive and fulfilled by your passions is important. The point is that you need to stop identifying and being reactive toward everything in your life. Experiencing the hard times, sucking it up, and dealing with it makes you a more centered and emotionally strong person.
Jose
Great job on this one. I feel the old Brad comming back !!
Brad Branson
Rad
Jumping outside the comfort zone is so hard but that’s the only way to become aware of limiting beliefs that imprisoned you inside your tiny little comfort zone in the first place.
Brad Branson
Exactly
jules
Yo Brad, through the years I got emotionaly pretty unreactive which results in sweet dating success. But on the other hand I remarked that I got problems to enter a new set with a higher energy. So beeing in a set almost always leads to at least a kiss close, but winning a complete strange set over doenst work so well with this unreactive attitude for me. You know the video when Tyler is out with Julien and screams enthusiasticly at two hot blondes “Heeeey, you guys know how to party” and directly go into a double hug? I made the experience that to win over a new set you need to have a strong positive vibe, but once you are accepted its the iceyness which brings you the attraction. Do you agree on that? Do you have a special techniques to pump your energy when entering a new set? Its one of my main sticking point since over a year…
Thx in advance from Berlin
Brad Branson
Don’t confuse being unreactive with being emotionless. You still want to convey your intent toward the girl and lead the interaction, but the emphasis is on doing everything through your own intentions rather than changing your behavior based on her response to you. Make sense?
Trentman
I just finished the 3rd season of Mad Men. Brilliant show. Don Draper is a boss. It’s also fantastic to see how all the male characters lead with women. Kind of helps internalize that leading mind set.
Brad Branson
Yeah, love it.
SriLankaEddie
Icyness…
This is a MUST…
LEARN THIS…
You can not be your best self if you are reactive…
Icyness=evolved…
You evolve as a human being when you learn to endure the worst of the worst without a stir…
It not so much that emotion is suppressed but that you truly understand the situation at hand…
In other words it always ” is what it is”…
Nothing more nothing less…
Brad Branson
Sure thing!
reino
I’ve made breakthroughs in my night game lately, there’s almost minimal approach anxiety. But, in the day time I constantly feel I should be approaching but I rarely do, it’s causing some unnecessary frustration.
Brad Branson
Unless you are at an area that attracts a lot of good looking women during the day time, it is difficult to find a lot of girls to approach in rapid succession. That can be an issue… Also, you may feel more under the “spotlight” during the day. There isn’t as much external stimulation in the environment distracting people.
Hannes
hey Brad,
thanks for the articel, its very nice
can you recommend some books or other stuff on the topic negativ mind patterns and reframing?
reino
I’ve been reading Emotional Intelligence 2.0, it has some stuff on self-awareness that is supposed to help you become more aware of your emotions.
Brad Branson
Good recommendation. I also recommend Six Pillars of Self Esteem and Awaken the Giant Within.
Kickass
Awesome article bro.I got the part about being icy and unreactive, my question is – be icy and unreactive to what extent? I usually talk whatever I want to,jump around and have fun as long as it thrills me and ignore when girls throw shit at me. To what extent is being icy alright so that you don’t come across as an anti-social psychopath?
Brad Branson
Being icey doesn’t mean to be unemotional or not express yourself. You want to be completely detached from the outcome and not change your behavior based on a girl’s reaction but act completely through your own intentions.
Tyler
Hey btw if you’re doing Mon/Weds here maybe we should do Friday on RSDN. That would also space out the articles that already come out there Mon/Weds.
-Tyler
BonVivant
“As you get better, you start dealing with shit tests and her freaking out, or some dude coming in, or someone PUKING ON YOU, and still maintaining your cool.”
Yeah, last week I got one girl telling me “I’m not sleeping with you”. I stayed fucking icey and looked at her with a half smile like “Yeah girl, you’ll get over the excuses and sleep with me anyway”. That happened 2 or 3 times until she went like “Why are you so confident? Do you sleep with all the girls you like?”
Brad Branson
haha nice. When a girl says that, I know we’re gonna hook up.
Connor
yeah man, this shit totally happened last night. i was at this dance, thingy, with my bud. i was approaching cause im straight up noob with my outer game. i was getting rejected and people werent liking me, so i left.
when i was driving home though i kid you not this song came on my ipod
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tUzIw-L518
and i started thinking how i would EVER get good at game if i was a pussy like this. all the other dudes are chodes, im fucking badass, what am i doin???? so i found a break in the median and turns my dumbass around hehehe.
when i got back i was like “fuck it” and i walked straight towards thi girl my friend introduced me to and started dancing with her, making full eyecontact and shit, her eyes were total shifty, this happened with a couple other girls, but i was stone, unreactive, hehehe.
my fave approach of the night was this group of 5 with 3 dudes taller and bigger than me (im 6’2″) and my mental process was “oh man i dont want to do that, guess that means im doing it” hehehe
and it went great, the girls responded very well, i was like “whoa!” and the hotter one of the two was one of the like, hottest girls there, and was vibing way more with her than i was with the other girl, for some reason… felt sick man.
but yeah, rsd is the shit, my whole life is badass now because I am making it badass, but i woudnt NEVER been able to do it without your guidance, thanks
ill most likely post on rsd nation a full long-ass field report of this so i can get feedback and other things to learn and stuff.
thanks for the awesome
Brad Branson
Nice work man, yeah it’s tough to start, but the more nights you have where you push yourself like this you’ll start getting a tipping point of refrerence points and start ASSUMING it’s going to go well. And then it does.
Connor
hey Brad i posted my full field report here http://www.rsdnation.com/node/218377
would be appreciated if you give it a looky, dont worry if you dont ill just cry myself to sleep while cutting and watching the notebook 
thanks for all the awesome info and opportunities Brad,
peace
TheRockPUA
Nice article… What does your ab work out consist of if you don’t mind me asking?
Brad Branson
I posted it on my most recent post
Richie Rich
Hey Brad, great post on being Icy and thanks for answering my other questions. Since I travel and live off IM income myself, I’ve got a few easy questions…
#1. Do you ever meet a girl that you want to spend more time with, or do you forcefully discipline yourself never to see a girl more than once or twice?
#2. Is it realistic for a guy to make his whole life about having fun / self-amusing and gaming new girls – or do you need a crew like you’ve got with RSD to continually push oneself to do that for years on end ?
#3. Right now you rely on bootcamps for your income Hypothetical: What if you had a passive income flow of $10,000 month from your online businesses. Would you still do club game every night, or would you hit up Stockholm or Brazil let’s say for a girlfriend or rotating harem or what?
Brad Branson
I meet a lot of great high-quality girls that I would like to spend more time with, but due to my work schedule and travel schedule, it isn’t even an option. If going out and meeting new girls is fun for you and makes you happy, why stop doing it? Also, you don’t need to look at it as a life-time journey. You can settle down with a girl for a while, and if you get tired of being in a relationship, get back into going out all the time again. For your last question, that is tough to say. I love teaching bootcamps, and I love talking about all of these RSD concepts. Living in Brazil with a harem of beautiful women would be hard to pass up haha
LeeMus
I love this article Brad. it respects the smooth and cool vibes i’ve been learning from you via your blog and rsd. I own my own business, and I recently went through some “stuff” last week and it could have gotten me off of my rhythm but due to my “higher consciousness” i was able to assess the situation and move on, w/o breaking my rhythm. Awesome stuff Brad!
Brad Branson
Damn dude, that is awesome to hear!
VD
I like this, it is pure self-development culture, but something worthwide that shapes you as a person.
Brad Branson
Thanks
About Brad
Brad Branson has been an international dating coach with the leading dating company Real Social Dynamics for 3 years.
Through his own success and teaching experience, he has taught HUNDREDS of men how to create the dating life they desire.
He’s coached in over 35 countries on 4 continents, developing universal patterns that ANYONE can apply, no matter what city, age or income bracket they come from.
Recent Posts
Crowd Sourced Blog! What do You Want to Read/Watch?!
Yoyoyoyo! This might appear to be one of those articles that a blogger writes...
Swinging Inertia to Achieve Long Term Goals
Boom! Been working nonstop, thought I'd take a little break to send you off this...
Get Every Post to Your Inbox
© 2012 Brad Branson of Real Social Dynamics: Lessons in Lifestyle Development | Privacy Policy | Terms and Conditions
Nice article. It occurs to me that one of the reasons your writing is so appealing to me is that you have a more objectivist-style self reliant frame than I do (I think coordination and cooperation is the key to almost everything big, can’t really do it alone, etc.) so it’s cool to see that perspective so well-developed.