How Changing Your Beliefs Changes Your Emotions

27 Comments | Category: Dating Tips-Inner


I’m on an inner game kick men, let’s dig in.

In Awaken the Giant Within, Tony Robbins explains how there are three types of realities that create your belief structures.

1. Opinions

2. Beliefs

3. Convictions

Opinions are rather tenuous.  This is due to the fact that you don’t have many reference experiences reinforcing them.  If some experience or event makes you second guess a given opinion, it can easily be changed.

A belief is much stronger and harder to change.  You usually have many more reference experiences reinforcing a belief, and if you have strong emotions tied to an experience that holds up the belief, it becomes more resolute.

Convictions are even more powerful.  These are the types of belief structures that cause someone to become a missionary, or a suicide bomber.  The person holds a belief so strongly that it becomes a blanket reality where every action they take is filtered through this conviction.

 

Emotions and Beliefs

We are going to talk about beliefs here, and how emotions come into play?

Well, this is my interpretation, but emotions are visceral indicators that your body gives you when something in your environment tests a belief.

Let’s say you just broke up with your girlfriend.  You feel pain.  What is that pain associated with?

Many times, your identity is heavily tied into the relationship.  You view yourself as a COUPLE, and you factor every action you take through the filter of how it relates to BOTH you and your relationship.

Also, it might be due to the possessiveness you feel towards the girl and how that gives your life meaning.

Whatever the cause, let’s try to figure out how we can overcome the strong emotional feelings you get after a break up, and how you can change sadness into MOTIVATION.

You need to first become conscious of the specific reasons for why there is an emotional pain, and realize what belief structures you have in place that create the emotional response.

Sometimes that ugly beast scarcity bubbles up and you feel that you won’t be able to find another girl like the one you lost, or maybe it’s just the emotional connection you had with her, and don’t think you’ll be able to find that with anyone else.

Well, that is most likely because you only have that one experience with her, and the emotions are always strong in a relationship, which intensifies the experience even more.

The more reference points you have, and the more emotions tied to the experience, the stronger the belief.

How many reference points do you have to the opposite?  That there IS another girl out there that can give you those feelings?

Most likely none!

So how do we change this belief?

 

Pain Vs. Pleasure

We must attribute more pain to you staying in that relationship, even if it is out of your control to stay in it anymore, than the pain you feel outside of the relationship.

Think of the scenarios that would happen if you were to stay in that relationship.  The stifling you would have from not growing, not working on yourself.

Think about all the girls you met along your path to meeting that previous girl, and how that helped you grow into the man that was able to attract that girl.

Think about how much more you will be able to grow as you get back into putting your personality on the line every weekend.  The introspection that goes along with pickup and self actualization as a whole.

Try to meditate and create a visceral experience in your body as you start getting those successes again.  How great does it feel to pull a gorgeous girl at the end of the night?

Man, I’ve had some amazing experiences the last few weeks with girls, and I wish I could go back in time and tell my old self a year and a half ago, as I was getting out of a break up, that I would be having the crazy success I’ve been having lately.

Living the life I’m living, how none of it would have happened if I would have stayed with that girl.

I’m relishing in the moment, and reinforcing new beliefs now.

YOU have control over your beliefs and your emotions if you want to.

Start taking control and stop living life in reaction.

And as Tony says “Live with passion.”  Haha…

I’m liking the deep inner game stuff lately, and fleshing it out here on the blog.  What do you guys think?

 

Related Posts:

  1. The Quickest Easiest Way to Determine Your Limiting Beliefs
27 Comments

Pilgrimage2012

Awesome shit ;)

Reply

Resaj

Interesting…I am trying something similar. But changing approaching, instead of thinking of the pain…maybe from rejection or whatever bs.

So instead I am thinking of the opportunities that comes with approaching. (:
- Derrick said something like “This could be the mother of your children”.
- The indifference you gain from approaching a lot of people..
- Calibration.
- Growth.
- You meet new people, learn about them and you learn about yourself etc.

But the important thing is…to have reasons that fit into your reality. For derrick it might be that thing. But for me it might be…OH I DON’T WANT TO BE NEEDY EVERY AGAIN! Etc

Great stuff brad. I LOVE THIS SHIT! Btw, I was hoping to meet you in the club and kick it…but haha I am to young for Cafe Opera the doormen said;p

Stay action~

Reply

Resaj

Btw what is this visceral experience thing you talked about here?

Just from my “quick impression of it”: You think about something like approaching girls for instance and you start feeling good and generating positive massive emotions. And so you make that connection of “Approaching equals fun/good/nice”.

Is that right?

Reply

Sheen-yo

inner game is the true beginning of everything…as within so without…Brad you are an inspiration kid…stay beasting stay growing never stop being a student of life…ya diggg

Reply

Turok

Word homie.

I’d say keep going with the deep inner game stuff. It’d be cool if you use this blog to organize your thoughts/realizations so it constantly gets updated with that type of stuff.

Living in the “world of chodes” its hard to find places where you can read/discuss topics that relate to the headspace you’re moving towards. Even if the specific topic doesn’t pertain to my situation, I always enjoy reading these types of posts because the conscious, go-get-em vibes come through. Its like 1 more little thing I can do during the day to reinforce the value of staying on point.

Not getting the ninja pic though…

Reply

    Brad Branson

    Haha, Ninja…

    Ya, I just felt it for some reason. I don’t really know why.

    Reply

markzor

i like it! I have also read “Awaken the giant within” and I the one think I keep using from it is what you vaguely describe here.

When you want to adopt a (new) attitude, behavior or belief, do the following:

- Exaggerate the pain with the old behavior.
- Diminish the pleasure from the old behavior, and make sure that you get the same pleasure from your new behavior.
- Exaggerate the pleasure from your new behavior.
- Reframe the pain from the new behavior, so it empowers you.

You talk about your blog about viewing emotions (pain) as indications of a belief that you want to change. I would like to add a little nuance there.

Emotions can serve as a guide, but you can interpret that two ways. You can “listen” to your emotions, and AVOID pain. This only strengtens your belief. You can let your emotions guide you, as to what attachment to the outside world you need to destroy.

I guess that is what you shortly describe as “living in reaction”. But I think it’s good to explain the difference.

Like when feeling anxiety to escalate; it would be better to face that emotion than to “listen” to it.

When you emotions are based on a belief you don’t like, then you display behavoir you don’t favor. It takes self-discipline to value your behavior (or Who you want to be) above acting on your emotions. If you manage to pull through the initial resistance you get when changing your beliefs and facing your emotions, then you will be happier on the long term. That is why people who are able to delay gratification are generally more happy.

Reply

Zach

I’m all about inner game. You’ve got it dialed in very deep, and I’m always happy to read your thoughts on it!

Reply

Willh

Hey man, what are your recommendations in Amsterdam? I’m going there in a few weeks and would love to know the nightlife and hostels to check out. I’ll be in the area for a week. BTW thanks again for all these great articles and your great job at Summit 2010.

Reply

    Brad Branson

    Cooldown cafe in leidseplein is the area. Weber bar is good too.

    Stay somewhere near leidseplein, it has the best logisitics for pulling

    Reply

Warren Sizz-lopa

I like it,
I think it makes sense to as well.
Inner game is the core foundation of your reality. If the structure isn’t solid than the building blocks on top wont be.

Inner games is like the filter through which all experience and reference points pass. So, what I perceive the inner game as is pretty much MY REALITY and what I think about myself… my perspective.

I took it upon myself to listen to NLP by Chris Howard a few years ago, and this article (as well as Owen’s most recent one) hits on the first thing he teaches . “You are the cause of everything in your life, no matter how good or bad. You are the controller and there for the creator of every aspect of your life.” this is paraphrased.. but the idea is there… you’re responsible for everything in your life, it’s in your power to control it. It dissolves the far too negative victim mentality.

With this view it empowers you. You can do anything, just put some dedication into it. Its all about your view on the situation. By nature situations aren’t bad or good.. it is your thoughts towards them that make it so. I remember hearing that from somewhere and it struck a chord.

The first time you change a mental pattern is slow I find. Like when I took up nlp for the first time. Once you really envelope that new thing and become it the new mental patterns come by more easily because you have the reference experience of changing that first one.. and it only grows to a massive collection of nice shiney new paradigm.

I’ve been into this self-actualization thing for a while, since I was a real tool before. I am now heading into and transferring this to pick up and love where it’s going. I read some other things on pick up, but they seem dead, and lifeless… and who wants to be that. Its like putting on a mask and hiding behind it. AKA this is good. Me likey.

Cheers

Reply

furetosan

Just finished that 7 day challenge from the end of Awaken the giant within. Was an awesome read. About the deep inner game stuff, that’s my favorite stuff. If you’re up for suggestions, how about a post on the innards of going out by yourself?

My sticking point seems to be keeping my state up. Like, seriously, this is gonna sound bad, but whatevs: last saturday, before I pulled an HB8 to my place, I was feeling like the shittiest scum of the earth. Reason being I had only made out with two girls and felt I could be approaching more. So I was sitting at this pub with some friends and a gay guy told me I should lower my standards, because that’s an awfully good night for most people.

Reply

Calavera

Keep rockin’ the inner game.. As Eben says.. “It’s all Inner game.”

Reply

VidarM

A good read, Brad, keep these inner game posts coming. I like them.

And a suggestion for a future article to spin off from this; take some classic “bad” beliefs/fears you commonly find among students (e.g. approach anxiety, not believing you’re worth her attention and affection, fear of rejection etc etc) and reframe it to something positive, or describe your own current beliefs.

Regards
Vidar

Reply

    Brad Branson

    Cool, ya I’ll definitely think of these for future articles.

    See ya in Oslo!

    Reply

FRed

Love it what you do here, and ways better than your rsdnation articles lately!

Reply

Dino

This one hit home.

Just broke off a semi-relationship of 2 months with a beautiful Indian girl because I felt that itch to grow and challenge myself. And even though I didn’t have that strong of feelings towards her, I still found myself feeling attached to the regular sex, having someone around me all the time etc. after the break-up.

Good to have those feelings sketched out as I move along. Appreciate it my friend.

Reply

DiHoR

tight

Reply

Rick

Very solid.

Whenever i feel attached or get that feeling of missing my ex-gf i re-frame it by remembering the negative sides of the relationship, or the awesome things that i can now do hassle free, this helps keep emotions more balanced for me. When you can do this you become more centered and therefore more attractive.

It is such a gift that when we can get reference experiences for ANYTHING we can change our beliefs. You can literally choose to change your whole belief system to the positive.

Nice one Brad

Reply

    Brad Branson

    Yeah I agree. Tyler talks about this in the blueprint. After the relationship is over, if you get those feelings like you want to get back with her, a lot of times it’s because you only remember the good things. You totally block out all the bullshit that ultimately made it a bad relationship.

    Reply

jibb

Excellent! Now if we were to use this recipe and turn it into a drink? Haha!

Reply

Jens

Thank u for this! Just broke up with my girlfriend actually! Again, thank u!

Reply

Martin

I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months ago and this helps! Thanks! @Vidar, great to see that other Norwegians are on this shit, too. ;)

Reply

whatever

I am feeling kind of suicidal since discovering Real Social Dynamics. It has sturred up so MANY things that i want to change with myself that i don’t really know where to begin. I look at my friends be so happy in their ‘ignorance’ meanwhile i go around just thinking about what I am doing wrong. I am in some sort of identity-crisis. I am in a deeeeep depression caused by low self-esteem and ‘shortcomings’. Life in all seems piontless right now. I really hope pain will eventually grow me stronger as I am only a teenager and have a life ahead of me. Summer is coming up and it honestly only brings me anxiety.
Please help.

Reply

    Brad Branson

    Yeah, that’s the friction period where life is similar to the Matrix when Neo takes the “red pill.” (or green, don’t remember)
    I see people all the time that seem happier than me, out of a naive obliviousness, but what you don’t realize is that deep down, unconsciously, they have those same fears, confusions, and frustrations, yours are just at the surface now.
    Which is great, because now you can conquer those fears and frustrations.
    Without a one on one communication, it’s hard to help you any further other than to offer some great resources, my first suggestion would be to check out Nathaniel Branden’s Six Pillars of Self Esteem, which should give you a start in helping with the self esteem aspect of your problems.
    Other than that, realize it’s so much better to be living life even if you are consciously not in a place you don’t want to be compared to living a lie your entire life.
    You’re freaking out now, but better to do it in your teens than live 80 years as a lie, only to find out on your death bed that it was all for nothing.
    Good luck!

    Reply

    zombie assassin

    dude i was feeling the same way for a while recently and especially as a teenager. it’s not fun. but you have already overlooked the most key detail in what you said. you have a life ahead of you. and identity crisis as a teen is no big deal. that’s pretty much all there is to being a teenager is finding out who you are, finding what you don’t like about yourself and replacing those traits with the traits you want to have. always remember that you are who you choose to be. and you can change ANYTHING about yourself any time you choose. i’m in my 20′s and still figuring out who i want to become and changing things when and where i feel the want to. notice i said want not need to. in short, don’t sweat it because you won’t know who you are until you choose who you want to be.

    Reply

zombie assassin

this isn’t the first article i’ve read of yours and i haven’t even gotten to the girl pick up shit. but just as far as your personel and life development lessons go it’s just great. i feel better about the world around me and most importantly myself. so thank you and please keep posting. this has ALL been great things to contemplate on.

Reply



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