How to CONSISTENTLY Have The Best Night of Your Life

28 Comments | Category: Dating Tips-Inner


Sounds good doesn’t it?

I’m out in Scottsdale, AZ running a bootcamp with Tyler this weekend.

I’ve been out 2 nights, and they’ve gone very differently.

The first night I was out with 2 buddies, no bootcamp, and we decided to hit it hard.

Scottsdale girls are so fun.

Dressed to the 9s, high heel shoes, perfectly coifed hair, and tight ass mini skirts…

Me likey.

The hotness of the girls doesn’t really affect me any more, I know I have to bring my A game, but I also have dealt with uber hotties in so many environments now, I also know that it’s no different than any other city, and if I try to calibrate differently, I’m already shooting myself in the foot.

So back to Wednesday night, I run a few sets, and proceed to get HAMMERED DRUNK.

It had nothing to do with the girls or my state, somehow I subconsciously made the decision that my drive to get wasted would prevail over any hormonal effort of grabbing girls.

I still don’t know how or why that happened, but it did.

It was pretty hilarious.

The next day I was talking with my buddies, and the genesis of a HUGE epiphany began to surface.

Unbeknownst to myself, my friend said that it seemed like I was ignoring him when we were out.

In my drunken stupor, I’d be like:

“Hey, stay here a second, I’ll be right back.”

I don’t remember doing this at all, but my friend said every time, I’d just saunter off and never come back.  Haha

At the time I didn’t realize it, but I know why this happened.

It’s something I’ve consciously done in the past.

 

LONG TERM MOMENTUM

The fact that I go out so often, it allows me the ability to chill out for most of the night, find my girl, and just turn it on when I need it.

Most guys don’t have the luxury of going out as much as I do, and I know this, so consciously try to keep my distance through out the first half of the night because I don’t want to draw my friends into spectator mode, just chilling back and not building momentum.

Today I had the epiphany.

It’s a byproduct of running bootcamps every weekend.

Most of the side effects of being an instructor are good, but there are some weird artifacts based on the nature of the program and how I interact with clients.

Something I used to do a lot was give girls away to dudes.

On bootcamp, this is sweet.  I can pump girls up, and throw them off on students, turning the bootcamp into a whirlwind wolf pack of mayhem.

But then when I wasn’t on bootcamp, I’d weirdly “sacrifice the virgin” and give dudes my girl, without them even knowing I was doing it, or acknowledging it.

I cut that one out a while back, thank god.

This new one is a bit different, and a sticking point I had unconsciously been dealing with for the better part of SIX MONTHS.

 

UNCOVERING STICKING POINTS

When you reach the level I am at, sticking points usually take MONTHS before you become aware of what the problem is and how to deal with it.

I have no one to show me what my sticking points are.

That’s why bootcamp is so effective, I get to see the student, what he is doing wrong, and uncover as many sticking points as possible in a weekend.

Then, as long as he keeps going out, once there is a conscious awareness of the mistakes he is making, the brain is smart enough to quickly autocorrect any mistakes.

But what if you have no one to learn from?

I mean, of course I learn from my friends, and my clients even, but I don’t have an outright mentor anymore because I’ve pretty much surpassed them all, purely because I’ve just been going out more than ANYONE the last few years.

So for the sticking point to bubble up, it takes literally months of being the “fly hitting the window” as Tony Robbins puts it.  Going out night after night, trial and error, trying to figure out what is going wrong.

I woke up at 7AM today, and while lying around in a half daze…

I had a serious epiphany.

 

THE LAW OF STATE TRANSFER

I talked about this in the last Conversations Series video, about how in any given situation, the person with the more congruent frame wins out.

When I am out with a client, I cannot ping off of him, the bootcamp is intense, and a lot of the time the student is stressed out.

My goal is to keep it fun, crazy laughable, and a party.

This is energy intensive.

I stand firm on having fun and keeping a positive vibe, but when I’m not on program, I usually just want to chill back and relax.

But I also realize that my state affects my friends, so I would consciously create some distance so they wouldn’t fall into my chill state.

I now realize that I expended just as much energy worrying about my friend’s state, not wanting to chill them out, getting all spectator mode, and ruining their night.  The same amount of energy, if not more, than I would while teaching bootcamp.

Instead of running, shearing against the law of state transfer, use it to your advantage.

 

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

It means EVERYTHING.

When I was at my peak, a few months back, going crazy in Europe, I STILL had this problem.

I could tangibly feel it, but didn’t know what it was, and didn’t really care because I was getting amazing results, doing shit that I had never seen ANYONE do before.

But the same sticking point that didn’t matter a few months back was now right at the surface, staring me in the face, distorting and affecting my state, my actions, and my RESULTS.

I mean, I’m still getting decent results, my attraction game is actually better than it’s ever been, but I’m just not pulling with the consistency I was a few weeks prior, so I figured something was up.

Last year, I consciously pushed through more sticking points than any other year. I’ve made the skill of finding, meditating on, and CRUSHING sticking points without the help of others into an artform.

So, as with other periods of my development, I had no frustration when my results went down.

I was excited.

It’s great to be at this point in my game now, there is no self doubt.

I know what works, I have so many reference points for what works, and when things start getting funky, I get excited to find that there is a new frontier ahead.

 

 

What has changed with this new paradigm?

I can see the conspicuous quality that determines whether I have an AMAZING night out, or a half ass night, and I am crazy excited for how this will change the quality of my, and my friends, nights out.

Treat every night like it’s bootcamp beast mode.

This means hitting up sets early, bring whom ever is with me into sets, throwing girls around, laughing at the mayhem, and having an all over kick ass time.

People that go out with me often KNOW this isn’t my style traditionally.

Why?

 

THE CAVEMAN, JAMES BOND, AND MCDONALDS BALLS

I’m still working on a weird dissonance in the fact that some aspect of hitting up a milieu of girls is a bit try-hard, and don’t have a pellucid viewpoint for how to attack the night from this new perspective.

The closest I can come is to objectively using the club as your video game.  It’s not try-hard to hit up a bunch of girls if your only goal is to create as much of a party as possible.

You aren’t value leeching, you’re self-amusing.

You are in your own little world, where every one is a chess piece, and you are just playing around in the McDonalds balls, doing whatever the fuck you want.

Then, with that crazy momentum, when you see something you want…

You grab it.

Have any of you confronted this problem before?

Bounce around in the McDonalds balls and get back to me with your results. :)

 



28 Comments

synergist

Advanced. To me, as a relative newbie, this is the light at the end of the tunnel.

You mentioned your peak was a few weeks/months ago in Europe, and that you did awesome things there that you haven’t seen anyone else ever do. I love hearing about crazy accomplishments like that, it would be great to hear more.

Reply

furetosan

Funny how I feel the same dissonance. About four months back, when I had just taken bootcamp, it was already there but I just trampled over it somehow. Guess being try-hard didn’t bother me back then. Right now I still feel it, but the pain of my “just chilling” far surpasses the uncomfortable action of “going beast”. Still letting beast mode become more ingrained. This will take a few months.

Reply

djne

So from your chilled self to the energy intensive self?

Chilled vs. Beast.
Is this the argument?

Reply

    Brad Branson

    It’s not so much a change in mindset, more a change in the actions I take.

    Still chill and comfortable in my own skin, but more about making it fun.

    Realizing that approach shit tins of sets isn’t try hard, it’s funny, hilarious and FUN!

    Reply

Kokodellacruz

Brad, Brad… Brad !

You sure are my outright mentor but I felt that same sticking point a couple of months ago, so I have to share my perception as it’s gonna validate your epiphany…

I was going out 5 days a week and had amazing results. I even started to play around getting more vulnerable in the way I was expressing myself, pushing the interactions in an unfavorable but bonding way with girls. Than, I would flip the script in a dominant manner and get into deeper emotions and connections with the girl, inside and outside the bed. (This creating a large amount of Zombie texts messages from time to time)

Sadly, once I hit the club with “choder” buddies (usualy cool guys I love to drink with), I wanted to give them more space so they could lay there personnality out there and “bang chicks”. But I felt my very relaxed and self-amused behaviour could sabotage their momentum and grab attention while holding myself would make me “sacrifice the virgin” or have an moderate-fun night. Just as you mentionned.

During that time, I knew it was happening.

I knew my concern about my “tribe” was unnatural even if it were to help anyone there leaving with a girl, having fun and pinging. I just could not sell them that way.

Than I realized something. There is a SWEET SPOT for a constant decent night out, in between the slow growing momentum where I pull a 10 in the venue and the cut of the expression of my true core resulting in a not so good night for my and my buddies.

I call it the QUANTUM TAILGATE.

During these nights and with my buddies:

Whenever I feel like doing something I do it, grab people in the party, dudes, chicks. We sing we laugh, no outcome dependence. We act like electrons and go wherever the fuck we want on the XYZ axis. Once I want to lay a meat (read girl) on the grill, I just do it, I rationalize that my friends are gonna do it anyway considering the large amount of meat we manage to attract to our sausage party (ahah that did sound lame, I am not taking credit for that !).

So quantum goes for the quantum physics -or the unability to read the finality of the electronic movement (us)- and tailgate goes for the abundance of stuff we can lay on the grill -read dancefloor, car, room, toilets or dumpter- ahah.

No problems, only solutions.

Take care Brad and keep the good articles, you are a true social bless !

Marko

Reply

Pilgrimage2012

This was an exciting read to me personally.

I know your “James bond style” quite well and initially it was irritating the heck out of me… U remember hehe

Thing is, since I am back from the tour I somewhat adopted that style… Chilling then hittin hard.

And I now pull more than ever.

It’s funny to see you coming full circle abandoning james bond going towards beast mode again.

Makes me wonder cause while not as effective as I am now this used to be my way of going out.

Interested to see how my own style will develope..

Anywaysssss great read as always!

Reply

Calavera

The whole sticking points thing.. I think that’s probably one of the reasons why you got so good. Consciously trying to improve..

Request: An article of your method of finding sticking points and crushing them! If it’s a bit more general that would be great too.. could help with acquisitions of skills in general. You seem to have the art of learning a lot down (like Pavlina talked about Da Vinci).. would love to hear what separates you from the rest!

Reply

markzor

i like the personal blogs

i can’t relate to the actual sticking point, nor do i learn much about how to manage sticking points, but this raw and pure style teaches me a lot about the way you think – something that get’s lost if you talk for an audience as a teachter to a student, instead of just thinking out loud for yourself.

Reply

willh

Hey man, great article. Last night was awesome, it was great seeing everybody hitting it hard.

I don’t know how you hit it hard and then wake-up to write an article like this, but great job.

Enjoy Scottsdale.

Reply

    Brad Branson

    I woke up at 7AM. Ridiculous, might as well work…

    Reply

anth

I can see the point your trying to make with all of this… Perhaps consider though, that maybe you are disappearing from your group of friends during the night because you feel like your better then them, and that they will drag YOUR state down.

I’ve come to realize when I have been in sarge mode in clubs, that I didn’t particularly like chilling with my friends who didn’t know nor care to game. So what I would do instead is… Run about on my own adventures because it’s not about showing off to my friends, or getting that external validation but this whole journey being more about my self, my own personal development and proving to myself that I am good for this…

After little individual sarge abouts, you tend to go back to your friends, chill for a little while, recharge, take in a different type of scenery/atmosphere and then head back out again alone… True?

Reply

    Brad Branson

    Yeah, I think this can definitely be a problem. I pride myself on state control and hope that others can’t pull me down. In the past, that definitely used to be an issue.

    But I agree, on some level, I’m sure it’s a also my aversion to them pulling me down.

    But I’ve made the conscious effort to PUMP THEM UP, being proactive.

    Reply

S

hey,

how do you break an addiction to spectator mode? Like its not even so much about approach anxiety for me. I don’t even get that far in my thinking when i see a girl. I am just in this sleepy fog state getting more and more depressed as the night goes on (addiction to chemical of depression i think).

i know it sounds easy–just do it, move your feet. i can do this but not consistently.

i want to do a bootcamp but i think i have to beat this first, otherwise after bootcamp, without an instructor ordering me to approach–i’ll go back into spectator mode.

cheers for any help mate

Reply

    Brad Branson

    One of the main things I teach on bootcamp is getting guys to build their own momentum. Things like the warm up approach and starting off the night right are HUGE indicators of how the night is going.

    Be disciplined to hit it up right away when you get in the club, and you’ll quickly push through those first few sets of “non-social flow.” (for lack of a better term)

    Reply

Scott

Treat life like you are in the McDonald’s balls… I prefer chuckie Cheese because then you have large rats in you world.. but you don’t get to ask girls if they have seen my friends, the hamburgular.. sometimes you have to make the tough choices in life.

Reply

smooth

I’m a fan of the blog but I honestly got no value from this article

it seems like your reframing “beast mode” to be something it’s not rather than exploring why you aren’t consistently pulling when you’re chill

isn’t that the real sticking point (why can’t I pull consistently when I’m chill)?

Reply

    Brad Branson

    Not exactly, it’s hard for me to explain what the real sticking point is. As for pulling when I’m chill, I got that pretty much handled. That’s the ONLY way I pull.

    I’ll have to think more what the sticking point is, it’s something related to having fun when I’m out and bringing my friends up to my level.

    It’s hitting the NEXT level as opposed to fixing a void. Again, hard for me to explain, but my main goal with the article was explaining how I go through my sticking points systematically, and how as you start reaching higher levels, the hardest part is finding out what the sticking point actually is.

    I like it when guys question what I say, it helps me to work on explaining things better, so thanks dude.

    Reply

      smooth

      cool man.

      in terms of the state transferral thing with your buddies. I personally think you should trust their ability to look after themselves and their state regardless of what you do or how you feel. how you see the problem may be the problem.

      all the best to you.

      Reply

        Brad Branson

        Yep, I agree. I think it’s probably another artifact of teaching the bootcamps in that when I am with a student I am HYPER-SENSITIVE to the students state and making sure it is positive.

        And that carries into how I deal with my friends, even though they are some of the smoothest dudes out there….

        Reply

baconfever

I’ve been experiencing the same dissonance. Your view on it is awesome, and it’s my view on it now. hehe. Thanks

Btw how du you meditate on sticking points? (haha I remember Yoda in star wars was going to meditate on something, and I couldn’t get it, cause I thought meditation was ‘no thoughts’) Is it like nlp/psycho-cybernatics/tapping/visualization principles? that if you experience them in your head, it becomes easier in real life?

Reply

duckmack

Awesome articel!!

Reply

pringles

fuck you i was about to write this or something very similar.
I just had this issue, i found for me it was basically a more advanced way of being in reaction. You try help other peoples nights out and if they aren’t having the fun you want them to you start going into reaction mode, not in the way a typical dude would its a lot more subtle.
Compared to when you are beasting hitting up loads of girls and having fun doing YOUR own thing its pretty hard to react to anyone and your night just becomes a constant flow of presences.
Lost me a 9 last night but i pulled anyway so meh

Reply

Chris

“using the club as your video game” – hehe – After your bootcamp I started to call it real world video gaming :)

Call me stupid but I don’t see the sticking point….
I think its just all about focus.
“Hey, stay here a second, I’ll be right back.” is just an auto response to I am focused on something else right now. – I do that too.
So in your case: You want to spend time with girls – your focus is on the girls.
Different case: Wants to spend time with friends – focus is on your buddies.
Solution get your buddy focused ;)

I also think you do that with your bootcamp students. You get them focused in the process, and once they are focused, all the fear, doubt and distractions are removed and they rock the place!

Reply

matt

see that shoe sticking out of the ball pit? Yeah I have those shoes…

Reply

si

Yeh i get that try-hard feeling too. I think it’s because ( especially if you come from a genuinely cool group of friends ) it is try-hard to go around hitting on every girl you see.
I reckon your spot on with the idea of just bringing the party to everyone. Then just naturally taking home whoever you want later.
I guess it can be a fine line though if you love direct approach and actually genuinely love the game and hitting on girls.
It’s always more fun when you and your friend(s) get laid as well. So getting caught up in wanting them to succeed as much as you also makes you appear/feel try hard because your ” trying ” to help them succeed. subtle but real.

Reply

Squirrel

Hey Brad – how would you relate your ‘chill out’ style to what Alex posts about Relaxed Arousal? How do they compare with mcdonalds balls style?

Reply



Leave a Comment or Question





 

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.


  • Featured in

  • Topics