Back to Basics: The Art of Plowing to Start a Conversation

24 Comments | Category: Dating Tips-Outer

It takes literally just 1-2 hours at the start of bootcamp to get a guy approaching well.

All he needs to learn are the classic 3 Essentials of the Direct Approach I harp on all the time.

1. Eye contact

2. Vocal Projection

3. Vocal Tonality

But what about AFTER you initiate the conversation?

I love seeing guys realize the power of the direct approach for the first time on program. How they startle the girl, yet are even MORE STARTLED THEMSELVES that it actually worked!

The girl stands there waiting anxiously, realizing that finally a confident man came up to talk with her.

And slowly further realizing that, no… This guy is actually nervous and doesn’t know what to do or say after the initial “Ay!”

Haha, so let’s dive in to the transition from approach to a normal conversation and see how we can better deal with that initial awkwardness.

The Approach Affects The Plow

First things first, if you approach well, plowing is essentially a NON-ISSUE.

Too many times I see guys half ass their way into an interaction. Afraid to take a risk, they end up coming across as just WEAK.

The old skoool “bitch shield” is applicable here.

In reality, no girl wants to be bitchy or mean at the beginning of the interaction, but they also don’t want to talk to every chode that makes a pass at them.

The easiest way to mitigate any resistance at the start of the interaction is to hit it hard from the beginning, usually resulting in her opening right up.

Well what if she doesn’t open right up?

The problem many intermediate guys have is that they determine the “quality of their approach” by the girl’s initial response.

If it doesn’t start off AMAZINGLY WELL, the guy gets nervous because he isn’t getting any positive feedback from her.

But she is pinging off of YOU to see how to respond, and this mutual-pinging results in you again coming across as weak and nervous.

EXPECT an awkward approach. If you go in strong, you most likely are going to catch the girl a bit off guard.

I actually like it when the girl looks a little nervous at the beginning of the interaction. It lets me set the pace, showing her how completely comfortable I am dealing with the social pressure and tension.

Sit in there, hold the frame, and plow!

What frame are we going with again?

“I am fun. I am the party. You don’t even need to be here. I am an amazing man. I am God’s protégé. I am the world’s most perfect human. I eat steak.”

What to Say?

When you’re really in the zone, you naturally plow through basic resistance without even noticing it. This is why momentum is so powerful.

But for those times when you aren’t completely in the flow yet, here’s a few pointers.

You are not going to get ANY input from the girl at the beginning of the conversation, so don’t expect it.

Many guys are way too dependent on the girl at the start, falling into interview mode or asking a barrage of questions to try and jump-start the conversation by passing off responsibility.

Asking a question here isn’t really a bad thing, but you have to assume it’s borderline rhetorical.

Here’s an example of how I might start off a textbook plow session early in the night:

ME: Ay! You are tall. What’s your name.

GIRL: Sarah

ME: Cool… How’s your night going.

GIRL: good/bad/horrible/my dad just died/I like turtles

ME: Well… Let me tell you about MY night. It’s AMAZING because blah blah blah…

A few things to point out here:

1. The “opener” is not a conversation piece.

A super newbie move is to rely on the opener as the first topic of conversation, and then get stuck on it until you run out of shit to say about that topic and run away with your tail between your legs.

2. The question was seeding MY topic of conversation.

Basically I’m giving her a little poke, creating a pseudo-conversation, which in actuality is me about to go off on a monologue telling her how amazing my night is.

I don’t even need her to respond.

From there, even though I’m mentioning how my night is going, I want to incorporate as many topics as possible to give her something to latch on to.

I might mention how last night was better than tonight, how this bar compares to the one down the street, how it compares to bars in Chicago, who I’m there with, how many beers I’ve drank, how good of a hair day I’m having, AND how I feel about the music.

This gives her many different little raisins to latch onto, and I’m basically vomiting gold until I find a commonality that resonates with her.

This may take 5 seconds or 5 minutes depending on the girl, and as mentioned earlier, is also determined by how well you initiate the conversation.

If you really go in strong, and set a good initial first impression, she’ll FORCE commonalities and work harder to get the ball rolling because she’s excited to have a confident cool guy talking to her.

The “I’m Awesome, She Should Realize This” Dilemma

I’m as full of myself as anyone, and there are times where I’ll be talking to a totally AVERAGE girl, and she’ll still be giving me shit, forcing me to plow through some resistance to start off the conversation.

Why would you even do this?!

It’s like she should realize the level of self esteem I have, whatever you feel she feels, right?!

Aren’t I lowering my VALUEZZZ!!!!

Yes, to an extent, the higher your own personal self worth and resulting charisma plays an extremely important part in how well you will be received.

But!

Some girls just broke up with their boyfriends, or it might be that “time of the month,” or you might randomly get associated with the last 3 chodes in the club that hit on her before you, so as a byproduct of the environment you just gotta plow a bit to show her how cool you are.

Plow through that initial resistance, saunter through the tension, and soon enough she’ll start contributing, asking you questions, and things will organically meld into a happy normal conversation.

Do it.

 

Related Posts:

1. Where to start? How about at the beginning. How to approach and open ANY girl.